Don't you send me to vm
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
