my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize