This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
