are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
All I want is dick and wine.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
