Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
