omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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