I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
