dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
