I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
