I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
