3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Edward fifth and chaser hands
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
