my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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