Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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