When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize