I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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