So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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