If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
