Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
