What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
