ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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