Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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