I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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