then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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