He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
