Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Couch. On fire.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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