I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
