Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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