If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
