I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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