And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
