well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
