Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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