i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
