No, drunk sperm still make babies.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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