did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
