you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
