thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
This can only be settled by a dance off.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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