just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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