On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
