I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
