they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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