I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
