i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
