now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
