whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
