your parents love me but you hate me
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
