you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
