I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
