I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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