Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
