well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
