if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
