you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
The Olympian is in my bed
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
