the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
