he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
