apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
