my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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