so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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