Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
