You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
