she was so not down for the gang bang
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
