Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
