she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
