friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
