I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Redeem this text for a blowjob
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
