As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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