I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
